I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
