Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
