In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
