once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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