Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
