just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
birth control should be required to get into college
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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