I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
