dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
