forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
