when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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