Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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