i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
