Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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