someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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