I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
