took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
