the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
