Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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