ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
