Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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