So drunk its hurt
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
