According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
