today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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