i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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