I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
