Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
