I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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