I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
