she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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