i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
