Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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