i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
