why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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