Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
