The best revenge is premature balding
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
