you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm just crazy horny about you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pants are for mortals
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
