I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
