I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
