Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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