so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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