I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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