I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
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