He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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