how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
