so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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