i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it glows. i had to have it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
