It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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