I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
