I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
