apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
