Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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