so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
