it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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