We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
