She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
