haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i drank out of a bidet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
