I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
